I was born in Philadelphia, PA in 1964. My earliest memory from childhood, was that I was different from other kids in that I was very overweight. My obsession with food began at a very young age, It brought me comfort, it did not scream at me for my mistakes, it was always there for me even when my parents couldn’t be. It gave me the “armor” I needed to keep my heart really deep inside..helped me to push down my often hurt feelings. I was a sensitive child. I grew up in a modest home with modest income, in a nice neighborhood in Southern New Jersey.

 Fast forward...the fabulous 70's, where disco reigns supreme and the fashions look really familiar...I had lots of little girlfriends and my best friend was Denise. Denise was raised in a Christian home with a mother who was very often on her knees in prayer–especially in the early mornings as I had often witnessed during those little sleep-overs that had occurred at least weekly. This afforded me the opportunity to attend church with her family and that was when the Holy Spirit really began to pull on my buried heartstrings. Denise wrote me in a letter one birthday when I was around 12 years old... “You have to ask Jesus to come into your heart That was when, out of my great fear of ceasing to exist on this earth, I innocently accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Savior..for the FIRST time.

Ok, so now it is the 80's..big hair is in and I sure did have it! My friendships began to fizzle out as our interests changed. I also realized that I could get lots of attention by wearing those shear, shiny, cool blouses that were in vogue at the time. I never did have a date however, while I was in high school.

I also loved to sing..but always fell short for the lead parts in all of the Highschool productions, being offered teeny tiny bit parts. When I look back now, I think this was the time when my depression really started..I moped a lot, was irritable at home, cried a lot, thought about what it would be like here without me...I tried diet after diet, once even drinking “syrup of ipecac” so I could vomit, my insides were drying up and dying a slow and steady death–kind of like having rainy day after rainy day after rainy day–but in your heart...In 1985 I met my first real love. Years went by, and in 1987, he proposed.

So now, it is 1991, I am still not married to the boy, but he is still in my life–although we take frequent “breaks”. I knew in my heart, as I had known for a long while, that there was to be no marriage. Yea, I had the gown..already lost money on the reception bookings..and yet, still hanging on. So one day, out of the blue, I get a phone call from a man I had met right before my “true love” came along. He happened to be a friend of my cousin’s husband and I always liked him. Good-looking, too.. Finally, I ended my so-called “relationship” with lover boy and moved on to this next charming fellow. After a one month whirlwind romance, we moved in together, and in 1993, we were married. I was comfortable because anger and screaming were in my upbringing–normal for me, so to speak. Eventually, I had two beautiful daughters (whom I adore),but I also had no self esteem, lots of disrespect for my husband, lots of built up anger for just, well, everything up until now, lots of debt, and I gained lots of weight–over 100 lbs to be exact. Needless to say, I did lots of sleeping, lots of crying, lots of fighting with my husband...In 1997, I called Denise and we reunited. She invited me to a retreat that the theme was, friendship. It was then that I accepted Christ as my Savior for the second time, and realized that he never left me..it was me who left Him!! I was on fire for Him. I became an active member of the Church...my hostility and resentment for my husband left me..I was truly a “new creation” in Christ. My life became so much better..I just assumed it would stay that way. What I didn’t know, was that the old tape recording of my earliest days was still playing and it was covering over all of the teachings that I was receiving from God that I was good enough just as I was..I was perfect in His eyes, the only eyes that should ever matter.

My weight continued to increase, however, and I finally opted to have my stomach stapled.  Once I had lost about 60 lbs, my husband and I moved to Florida–and unbeknowest to us, our lives were about to change forever..

I began to work at a local hospital and had every intention of maintaining my relationship with Jesus Christ until one day, when temptation pushed me over the edge–of sanity, that is.  I began a very intense flirtatious relationship with a coworker that immediately probed to the very heart of my self worth–never mind what Jesus said..Jesus?  Who is he?  I was addicted to the rush of the whole chase–remember, my food addiction could no longer be fulfilled thanks to my new and improved internal anatomical features...needless to say, although I did not have an affair my marriage crumbled and I, with my two young children in tow, left my husband.  The days, weeks, and months that followed were grueling..I had broken his heart, took away his children–and he never even knew there was such a void in my heart for years.  He had not changed–he was still the angry, loud, argumentive (but kind hearted) over-spending man he’d always been.  It was me who was different.  I had still not resolved the issues of my youth–and I didn’t know it at the time, but God was saying to me, “it is time to deal with it all now, once and for all. So I did what any living thing does when confronted with fear face to face–I ran..fast and hard..  I was in denial.  I became addicted to love, male attention, sex, whatever I could get to avoid facing the truth and dealing with all of the pain I had built up for so long.  I was drinking, using and putting myself in dangerous situations just to fill that huge void in my heart.Then, thanks to a new friend, I was invited to a “rock concert” like church service. I was on my feet, crying, and I rededicated my life to Christ. I was in therapy weekly, began to read many, many self help books, and I joined a group called “Celebrate Recovery”.  Over the weeks that followed, I learned a lot about my life and how it all unfolded.  I learned about overcoming hurts, hangups, addictions, and pain.  And I learned I was never alone–not once.  Jesus promises “I will never leave you nor forsake you”..and he won’t.  He promises “I know the plans I have for you..plans for good and not evil, to give you a future and hope.”Jeremiah 29:11 He tells me “ALL things work together for good, for those who love God, and are called according to His purpose” I have learned to trust God in all I do , never give up, fight the good battle, and persevere.

In 2005, after a lot of prayer, change, surrender and spiritual growth, the Lord brought me Kenny, my wonderful and loving husband who is like the calm, sweet, breeze after the storm in my life.  We were married March 12, 2006 and are hoping the Lord will bless us with a child together... He is a wonderful step father to my children.  I am still amazed at how the Lord could bless ME..a sinner..ME..who turned my back on him many, many times...ME whom He says is perfect in His sight. He has given me the wonderful fellowship of Redeemed Music Ministry and the opportunity to help others simply by sharing my own life with them, and revealing how Christ saved a wretch like ME... I am still not all I should be, but I am forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead!”  May God Bless You !!

Dear Redeemed,

I'm very honored to be associated with such wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ and I'm proud of the things you are doing to honor God. You are right, God wants us to worship Him, there is nothing else we can give Him that He has any need of. We are only here by His GRACE and He is awesome.

I was blessed once again by the band REDEEMED at the Manor Diner on Friday night. What a glorious way to honor our God. Not only do you worship Him in spirit and in truth, but you fulfill His command to give to those who are in need according as He has blessed you.
Barbara

Hi Mike,
We had such a great night! People were talking about what a good time they had last week. People were really touched and moved by the message. You really blessed us. I look forward to seeing you guys again.
 ><> Aileen

Testimony from Glenn Tappan:

So I joined the choir because many of them were in that. I learned at an early age that having the adoration of girls was a pretty nice feeling. This proved to be a distraction to in my focus on God. It also laid the foundation for a warped sense of self-image. I found it was very important to be adored by the opposite sex. My father didn’t know how to show real love. I thank God for my mother, who showed some normal affection.

 So I went through the motions and got confirmed and took communion. Although I didn’t really understand the meaning of communion there was a powerful presence of God, which reinforced my belief that God really did exist.

In 1963 I was 16 and became sexually active. I was searching for that feeling I talked about earlier. Naïve is the word I would use to describe me in those innocent times. I was going through a dry spell and had no girlfriend and then Roseann walked into the music room at school one spring day. She was it. All I thought I wanted. We went steady for a year and I got her pregnant.  So we got married.

I was 18 and she was 16. We played house, as I had know idea how to really love her or our new daughter.I had played with many bands in Greenwich Village and all around New York from 1965. Trying to be the breadwinner as a young musician was scary. It also held me back from jamming with guys like Jimi Hendrix , Eric Clapton and Billy Joel. We played in a lot of the same places. They would jam till dawn and I had to come home to my wife and kid. There was a resentment building and I didn’t know it.

In 1968 I joined a really hot band that was booked for 3 years in advance all over the area. I already had been signed to Atlantic records and had been recording a lot. This new group called “Hot Soup” was ready to record, so we did. The leader of the group had attended Miami Bible College. We were playing in the prestigious Hamptons of Long Island one weekend. I sat outside one night with him and my brother on a beautiful cool starry summer night and he led me to the Lord. It was the first time I had heard the simplicity of the Gospel. I’ll never forget that night.

I couldn’t wait to tell my wife and she accepted the Lord as well. Things got better in our relationship and all was well. What was interesting, the leader of our group was convicted by the Holy Spirit to break the band up as we were playing all the styles of music that were popular in the late sixties. However I wasn’t convinced and went on playing and recording for sometime to come. See, Jesus saved me but I didn’t live for Him. I was very much into the “Jesus Movement” in the early seventies.

I remember sitting in Randy Stonehills hotel room while he tried to convince me to move my family to California and join his band. I turned him down because my wife didn’t want to move away from her family. More resentment. My attempts to fulfill all the offers to play with Christian bands were shallow at best. It was nice for my ego that I had all these offers. It didn’t last long. Long story short: I backslid and wanted girls. Lots of them!

My wife finally caught on and for her there was no forgiveness. I think that resentment of marrying so young fueled my actions. I never expected the tailspin that was to come. I got what I thought I had wanted and figured okay here’s my chance to be free and took license to really turn 180 degrees away from God. Well sin lasts for a season and then there is a price to pay.

I became hooked on many substances to numb the pain of the divorce. After awhile I became incapable of playing the way I was used too.Then came the long list of rehabs, detox centers and psych wards. They thought I was crazy. It lasted for seven years. The last detox unit was in a very poor section downtown. It was snowing out and I was extremely grateful to be out of the cold. I remember feeling roaches crawling all over me, but I didn’t mind.

I prayed with all sincerity that God deliver me and send me a Godly woman because I was so lonely. There are too many horror stories of the insanity of my actions to list here. I thought it would never end. Then in 1984 I was homeless and sleeping on the streets of New York. I woke up on the sidewalk and looked up at the street sign that read Bowery. I could see what my life had become. So I hailed a cab and told the cabbie to take me to Belleview Hospital. I didn’t have any money. When we got there I told the cab to wait, that I was picking up a friend. He said no pay me now. I got out of the cab and disappeared into the hospital, fully intending to stiff that guy.

 I admitted myself on a suicide threat. They realized my problem was my substance abuse. I detoxed and went to an AA meeting on Long Island. I quickly got a sponsor and told him I had no place to live He said he had an empty apartment that he had rent paid up for 2 more weeks and I was welcome to stay there by myself. I slept on the floor and lived on what little was in the fridge.

God got my attention and I laid face down praising Him and reading the Word for 2 weeks. I really wanted to get to a church I used to attend. My car was broken and needed a lot of work. So I called the ride ministry to take me there. We had to pick someone else up who was a student at Hofstra University. She turned out to be Tammy.

When we got there I could feel the Holy Spirit all over the place. She asked me to sit with her. So we worshipped all night together. I told her tomorrow was my last day at that apartment. She said why don’t you come to Saturday night bible study at the school. I tried but couldn’t find it. Turns out she was late back from work. I had her phone number and I called her dorm room.

She invited me to visit and cooked a really nice meal that she shared with me. We talked for hours. Then she called a few male Christian friends there and found an empty bed for me. The next day we went to Sunday service. After fellowshipping together for 2 weeks, I asked her to marry me. It was on her heart too.I wanted to get married as soon as possible. She wanted to have a proper family wedding.

We waited almost a year, which frustrated me because of my insecurity. We found a wonderful messianic church and got good pre-marital counseling. We remained pure all that time and it was sooo worth it. God even totally delivered me of my substance abuse before the wedding. Well that was 22 years ago.

I’ve since been very involved with “church”. A lot of good things happened along the way, but I never really developed an intimate relationship with Jesus on a daily basis. So there have been many bouts with depression and lack of self-worth. It wasn’t until recently that I was introduced to the Alpha Series with John Glenn that I really started to understand my significance to God. I never got that kind of reality from all the churches I ever attended. I’m hoping and praying that my life will finally grow in Him. I can finally say my redemption is on track and I praise God for His unconditional love and patience with me. May you all find that truth and let God direct your paths.

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